Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
