People in love make me want to vomit
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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