i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
this will be a night to untag.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
