why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
