I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
