I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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