then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
