You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
