DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
