Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
