so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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