thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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