we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
