Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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