Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
