I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
