I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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