About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
