my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
