this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Randomize
