apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize