I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Just puked most of my soul out..
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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