so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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