They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
