Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Is it penis luge time yet?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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