he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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