I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize