I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
It's blow job season.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
