Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
