And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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