I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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