God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
