I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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