Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
