I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
