Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
