I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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