A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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