you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
