she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
two words: eviction party
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
