you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
