Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
