Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
