how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
