maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
