I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
