Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
