oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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