if you like me you must not know who I am
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
