She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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