hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
