I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
