I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize