Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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