I didn't shave. On purpose
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
