i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
