the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
