Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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