It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
