I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
