The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
