i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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