Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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