btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
