I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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