Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I AM VODKA MAN
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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