Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize