I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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