you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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