We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
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