Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize