I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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