Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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