I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
