Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We left the knife in your bed.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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