i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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