are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
