What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
