Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
