Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
