Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
well you can't waste a boner
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
