Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
