They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i already hear my dad disowning me
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
my sisters under your porch take her home
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
