His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
