I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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