So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
