are you so shy because you have an std?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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