oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
