I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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