Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
