babies were throwing up all over the place
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
