i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
