your thong is hanging out like whoa
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Randomize
