I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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