I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
