Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
