The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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